Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Is Poly… And I’m Perhaps Not
The cool difficult facts are, in the event that you can’t manage a poly relationship – and not everybody else can – then this really isn’t likely to work. I’ve myself seen folks whom attempted to be cool with being poly given that it had been the only method they may be in a relationship aided by the individual they liked… also it caused everyone no end of grief before it was over. Rather than to appear insensitive, you must be usually the one to manage your anxieties. The man you’re seeing is right: this will be part of whom he could be, it is one thing you knew moving in, and telling him to alter it isn’t fair to him because you can’t handle. Just like constantly subjecting your self to misery is not reasonable for your requirements.
Then the first thing you need to do is get yourself into therapy to deal with your anxieties if you want to try to make a go of this. Just tossing your self to the mix and hoping that you’ll go numb eventually is just an idea that is bad. Having an individual who will allow you to process your emotions and make suggestions whether you continue seeing your boyfriend or not through them will be invaluable. The thing that is second should do is begin doing all of your due diligence. You should read Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino if you haven’t already. You may even like to browse The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Dossie Eston and much more Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert. These can assist you to navigate problems of jealousy, interaction and relationship upkeep.