Mourning also requires discipline

The death of a brother or sister runs like a red thread through the lives of the siblings, says Rönick. "However, many of them only realize this as adults." Every week between four and six people affected turn to TrauerZeit, looking for advice and support. They come on their own initiative or are mediated by schools, hospices or youth welfare offices. Often there are children among them who become conspicuous years after the death of a relative who derail from their usual everyday life.

The "amputated family"

Rönick speaks of one "amputated family"when father, mother or child have died. Something was stolen from the bereaved that had always been there before. She tries to give them help in everyday life so that they not only work, but also see a meaning in it, maybe even a zest for life.

Grief is not a disease, says Rönick. But if it is not treated, grief can make you sick. The symptoms sound succinct: insomnia, nausea, headache and concentration problems. But shortness of breath and heart problems can also be the result.

The paths of fate that follow are often similar: parents split up in their grief, some split up. Others get sick or lose their jobs. The grief destroys her life. And in their grief, they often forget their dead child’s siblings.

Set the table for the dead child

After the loss, Hannah’s parents pretended nothing had happened. They continued to cover for four at mealtime as if Hannah’s sister were still alive. They bought presents for their birthdays and Christmas even though there were no more trees, no balls, no more candles.

Hannah caught her mother locking herself in her deceased sister’s room, smelling the clothes she was wearing, kneeling down in front of the small memorial altar full of pictures and crying. It is normal for the siblings of dead children to slip into the background in the family structure, says grief counselor Rönick. "The parents do not see it, do not have the view or the strength for it. Suddenly everything revolves around the dead child." The surviving siblings feel unloved, ignored.

As if Thomas had died with his sister

A feeling to which they sometimes had to get used to while they were still alive because the child was sick and had to be cared for. So happened to Thomas. His sister developed cystic fibrosis. She was 19 years old when she died. She had studied for her A-levels in the hospital, always planning the future, even though she knew she didn’t have any.

Thomas always carries a small photo with him, it shows the two of them as small children. For him it was the best time of his life. Death wasn’t an issue for him then. The older he got, the more dominant it got. Maybe last summer with my sister, maybe last vacation, maybe last Christmas.https://123helpme.me/to-kill-a-mockingbird-essay/

There were moments when he secretly clung to the hope that everything would be better when his sister died and her suffering was over. But it got worse. His parents still live together, but separated. Together they make a pilgrimage to the grave of their daughter, it is the only way they still go together.

Birthdays, Easter, Christmas – no festivals have been celebrated since her death. There is no longer any reason for Thomas’ parents to do so. He’s not either. As if he had died with his sister. Death is often the death of an entire family.

The siblings are too often forgotten

"It’s terrible about your sister, I’m so sorry! Your poor parents." A sentence that Hannah has heard hundreds of times in different variations. How is she doing How much is she suffering? How terrible the loss and the memory of the crime is – very few asked about it.

Maybe Hannah wouldn’t have had an answer at all. But she sorely missed the feeling that she was also taken seriously in her grief.

Grief also requires discipline

But there are other examples as well. The night they found out about the murder of their daughter Heike, Wilfried and Magdalene Block promised each other that they would not let go and that they would not leave their son alone with his grief. "When we heard that our daughter was dead, it was immediately clear to us: Now we only have our son and we have to include him"says Wilfried Block.

At first they couldn’t help it. "The first month we were in a state of shock"he remembers. Closing accounts, clearing the apartment – that was all her son did.

They did not force his way of dealing with the loss. "You have to respect the fact that your own children grieve differently than you do. And you have to give each other space for this grief"says Wilfried Block. He knows only too well that this is not always easy. There are still moments when the blocks say: "You’re right at the bottom." Grief takes time.

But mourning also needs discipline, believes Wilfried Block. "You have to try to come to terms with fate and you have to do something yourself for that." So the blocks don’t just try to look back, not to sink into their immeasurable pain, not just to moan.

Only once did Wilfried and Magdalene Block cover for Heike – on the first Christmas Eve after her death. The young teacher had been murdered six days earlier. A unique ritual. "It would be terrible for our son if his sister now sits invisibly at the table."

The worry of losing her son too because everything revolves around the deceased daughter was omnipresent. And it still is today. Heike’s birthday would have been on July 24th. It was the son who suggested going to the cemetery together that day. There she drank "amputated family" a glass of sparkling wine, as Heike loved so much, and ate a piece of her favorite chocolate. They placed one of them on their grave.

It’s a sad record: a five-year-old has lived with an artificial heart for longer than any other child before. The reason for this is also the German law on organ donation.

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A heart the size of a small refrigerator

Lara’s heart is square and the size of a small refrigerator. If she is particularly exuberant, it is two meters away from her. Lara has an artificial heart. For two years. According to the Erlangen University Hospital, never before has a small child survived so long with the machine or waited so long for a transplant.

Lara lives in the hospital

"That is really an unusually long time"says the pediatric cardiac surgeon Robert Cesnjevar. "I assumed a waiting period of no more than a year." He connected the five-year-old to the artificial heart two years ago and is now looking after her at the University Clinic in Erlangen. Lara lives here.

Due date calculator – when will my child be born?

Due date calculator

When will my child be born?

"She doesn’t even know what her nursery looks like at home"says her mother. The girl has not been allowed to leave the clinic since the heart operation. Her artificial heart is too big, which is actually not a heart at all, but a machine on wheels outside her body. The risk of something happening is too high.

"I am overly cautious"

"Build what, build what!"calls Lara. She walks impatiently from right to left. The tubes that connect your chest to the machine keep tightening. "stop"it sounds there. Her mother. The 43-year-old looks a little embarrassed. "I am overly cautious", she says. "I’m just scared."

There is no privacy

When Lara was operated on on the heart, the girl was three years old. Chronic heart failure. Since then, her mother has lived with her in the clinic, and her father comes on weekends. There is no privacy. And a new heart just won’t come. Still not.

"When there is a knock on the door late at night, we often think: Now you have the heart", tells Lara’s mother. Sometimes she is angry about the whole situation. But most of all she is sad.

The legal situation makes organ donation difficult

In Germany you currently have to actively consent to organ donation, in contrast to other countries such as Austria. But it is particularly difficult for parents whose child has just died, says Professor Cesnjevar. Hence the long waiting time. "I think changing the law could really help kids like Lara." A new law is currently being prepared in Germany. Accordingly, in the future all citizens should be asked whether they consent to organ donation in the event of brain death.

"It has the highest level of urgency"

The case of the five-year-old is extraordinary, explains the doctor. Since 1999, 13 children in Europe have waited more than a year for a donor heart. More than two years, that doesn’t exist in any statistics. "Lara is beyond any waiting list"says her doctor. "It has the highest level of urgency."

Lara sits in a sea of ​​pillows and plays boating. Long dark blonde hair, ponytail. At first glance, she looks like a normal five-year-old. When she gets up, her mother pulls her sweater over the tubes in which the blood circulates. As if she wanted to hide reality for a moment.

The artificial heart weighs 100 kilos

The machine that makes Lara’s sick heart beat cannot be hidden. The bulky box, which looks like a small refrigerator, weighs 100 kilograms. Did this block bother you very much? "No"says Lara and shakes her head. Only she knows whether that’s true.

In the hospital for two years

"It’s just her life"explains the mother. She doesn’t know whether her daughter remembers the time without the machine. "We never ask them that." Two years in hospital. That’s two birthdays and two Christmases between syringes and disinfectants. Lara will be six years old in April. Her father no longer believes that she can celebrate this birthday at home. "I don’t think we can do that."

Greatest wish: normalcy

Self-painted pictures, photos, plush toys and a barbie. Lara’s hospital room looks like that of a normal five-year-old. Her friend Lilly wrote her a letter that is now hanging over the bed. "Dear Lara, I would like to give you a present. What do you wish for" Lara did not write an answer underneath. What her father wants for her can be summed up in a single word: "Normality."

The 83-year-old from Wuppertal, in whom the police discovered a large amount of child pornography at the end of June, has been found dead. However, the police apparently rule out any third-party debt.

The Wuppertal man, in which a large amount of child pornography was found at the end of June and whose garden the police dug up for possible children’s corpses, is dead. As the police and public prosecutor in Wuppertal announced on Monday, the 83-year-old was already dead in his house on Saturday discovered at Dellbusch.

The pensioner was released after his arrest. A friend found the man lifeless and called the police. Interpret according to the authorities "The nature and circumstances of a suicide" down. After the body of the pensioner and the place where it was found were further examined, the officials now assume that there is no third-party fault. 

Excavation ended: No bodies found in the Wuppertaler’s garden Suspected child murder: Police dig up 83-year-old garden Assault in Heckinghausen: Man arrested after attempted robbery 

Large amounts of child pornographic material were found in the 83-year-old at the end of June. The pensioner had, among other things, hoarded articles about missing children in a safe and apparently had a pedophile tendency. The police had therefore dug up his garden for possible children’s corpses. However, she did not find anything. The evaluation of the found material is still ongoing, the investigation continues, according to the police. She tries to identify possible victims and perpetrators.

The 83-year-old was noticed because he – involved in refugee aid – had given a Syrian family a USB stick on which important forms were stored. Not only were the forms on the stick, but also child pornography. The father of the family thereupon informed the workers’ welfare, which in turn switched the police on.

Note: If you think a lot about your own death or worry about someone else, you will find help here immediately and anonymously.

Sources used: Press release from the Wuppertal police news agency DPA

Athens / Nicosia (dpa) – Lake Kokkini Limni shimmers red in the middle of a former copper mine near the Cypriot capital Nicosia. Its water is contaminated by chemicals and very acidic.

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